Drink Me! The History of Bogus Tea

Etchings on a cave wall in southern France tell a story of a ritual in which Stone-Age people put ice shavings in a hollowed-out coconut filled with leaves from the Chinese Box Elder and drank the mixture to help them keep warm during the height of the last Great Ice Age. Of course, this all sounds absurd, but human belief, as we know, is a powerful determinant in human behavior. The primitive ritual would realistically have cooled the body temperature but their primitive imagination created an increase blood flow and the placebo-like effect comforted them in their bitter-cold caves in the south of France where people go today to experience the warm Mediterranean climate.

OK, OK. I made it all up! That was a pseudo-anthropological study, a hoax. There were clues in my narrative that you, as a rational person, probably spotted right away and quickly rejected my “scientific” hypotheses. We are “modern” people after all, with many millennia of scientific progress that empower a deep understanding of geological and human evolution. Psychology and anthropology and other very sophisticated branches on the human intellectual “tree” all contribute to our grasp of reality which is certainly more advanced than that of primitive human beings whether ancient or modern. But are we using our whole brain as we make choices, very important choices for the future of the global village? Or indeed, and this is an unsettling “what if;” perhaps the human intellect is constitutionally incapable of distinguishing among authentic and bogus teas steeping in the cups of a thirsty humanity.

Sacerdotal Tea

Priestly teas found in the various religious “shops” around the globe are among the oldest and most honored, hence the generic nickname “classical tea.” Often described as a complex “bells and whistles” brew, one finds overtones of original sin, patriarchal passion, and even matriarchal musk. It’s an acquired taste but easily the most popular in the global village favored by tea-drinking purists. However, recent (and we must stress “preliminary”) research at the Institute of Genetics and Health find that mice consuming sacerdotal tea over time begin to experience a disorienting dementia. Coping with reality becomes dicey as the mice stagger about in a zombie-like daze. So for you tea lovers, that’s something to consider, unless that is, you use your tea to “get away” from the tedium and existential anxiety of the post modern rat, errr mice race. Some of the long-term drinkers of classical tea are said to be switching to pot—but that’s only hearsay—and you didn’t hear that here. (We don’t want to offend the classical tea drinkers, large numbers of whom are said to be “packin’ heat” ha, ha ha.)

Jonestown Tea

But surely, you wouldn’t catch modern homo-sapiens drinking bogus tea or getting caught up in feverish, phantasmagorical, imaginary, placebo-like effects. Well, maybe some modern people have been susceptible to clever, glib and charismatic charlatans and maybe they drank, not the tea, but the Kool-Aid. The 900 followers of Jim Jones must have been expecting some desirable outcome when they consented to his highly suspicious narrative. But then the human ability to weave convincing stories is well-documented throughout history; stories much more convincing than the one that introduced this essay.

Global Warming Tea

In recent times a story has begun to emerge concerning global warming. Many people, understandably doubtful of the science behind this impending long-range disaster, warned against drinking the “global warming” Kool-Aid. This recent “myth,” however, seems to be gaining in credibility and speed, a lot of speed. The phrase, not heard in the earlier scenarios of long-term consequences, has now become commonplace—“in our lifetime.”

What is the latest tea being offered by the Washington policy-makers today to make us feel “warmer” about “changes that are already happening and those they anticipate in the near future?”  Those are the words of Katharine Jacobs, assistant director for climate and adaptation and assessment for the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy. These titles are certainly more impressive and scientific “sounding” than Og, master shaman and collector of ice shavings and facilitator of the “darkened-cave tea-warming ritual.”

Joe’s Tea

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints founded by Joseph Smith in 1830 at Fayette, New York is a kind of Joey-come-lately beverage. Come-lately in that it purports to be an enhanced formula using the basic leaves of the Universal, that is to say Roman Catholic tea, the classic of the Western world. Over 2 billion people use this old stand-by drink, this rather bracing tea to get through the day, using it to “zone out,” as it were. Joe thought he could improve the formula.

Smith, not a timid brewer by any definition, added some pretty strange ingredients to his so-called “Mormon” concoction. The rule here is be careful what you “cook-up” in the tea pot because Christians are not pleased to have their cherished habits challenged. In short—Smith got whacked—and his fellow imbibers had to flee into theGreatAmericanDesertwhere they hoped to be left alone to continue to get high on their exotic version of the Pope’s palliative.

What started out as an esoteric thirst-quencher has become more widely accepted in modern times as the human ego’s yearning to be “special.”   It has heated up the pleasure energy center of the false-self survival strategy, not only in the Utahdesert, but around the world. People on the planet as they move deeper into the illusion of the old P-B identity tend to crave more and more affection and esteem. Mormon tea-drinkers are said to have a kind of an identity after-glow feeling kind of “special” as in “better than.” Perhaps they long to replace the Jews as the “Chosenpeople,” especially favored by God. If so, we recommend that they consult the history books and we don’t mean The Book of Mormon.

An Acquired Taste: A Really Weird Tea

Oh yes! We were able to find a fringe drink with even a more divergent formula than the one being manufactured in Salt Lake City. We have all heard of it but its elite drinkers have successfully, at least until recently, been able to keep the specific ingredients a closely guarded secret.

As we have learned in Simple Reality, beware of human collectives that feel it necessary to keep their activities secret. These secretive sippers we are going to look at now are no exception. We have endeavored to stay neutral in this “tea review” with no specific recommendations or prohibitions—but we must—to be ethical, take a stand on this beverage. In part, this is because it has some high profile consumers making it attractive to the young and naïve consumers in our population. It may be a drink associated with the glamorous but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

The list of the creators and promoters of our exotic teas up to this point, one must admit, contain some pretty eccentric characters. The creator of Scientology Tea, L. Ron Hubbard, is easily the most imaginative herb collector of all when it comes to creating unique-tasting brews. Lawrence Wright, author of Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood and the Prison of Belief, would probably agree with us. The title gives the same warning that we have given about all of the teas reviewed thus far. Be careful about what beliefs you let into your worldview because your identity and your behavior will be powerfully affected by them.

Before we drink any seductive aromatic tea it would be well to examine very carefully the contents of the mind of the tea’s creator and equally important, the motivation and intention of the potion’s peddler, whether St. Paul, Brigham Young or Jim Jones. If the heady brew reeks too strongly of plenty, pleasure and power—beware—the senses are a poor judge of reality.

If people are staggering out of a community’s “tea-tasting” nauseous or with zombie-like “stares,” that’s a clue that all is not what it might have seemed to them on “going in.” Let’s talk to a few of these disaffected former Scientologists since we are not able to taste “the tea from Mars” ourselves.

Why did we label it the “tea from Mars?” If we can’t taste the tea we can read Mr. Hubbard’s rational for it which will not disappoint those looking for a “far-out” concoction. “We are all thetans, spirits, trapped temporarily in our current particular lives. Hubbard says that when a thetan discovers that he is dead, he should report to a “between lives’ area” on Mars for a ‘forgetter implant.’”

Moses met God on Mt. Sinai, Joseph Smith was “given” not stone but gold tablets, but Hubbard’s revelations came in a somewhat more prosaic manner: “they came to him at the dentist’s office.”  This disclosure begs the question, was he under the influence of gas or Novocain? Now we are getting a bit sarcastic and that’s not nice, let’s give Hubbard credit for his successes.

Hubbard was a science fiction writer who could write some compelling non-fiction. His book Dianetics was the founding text of Scientology and was on the NY Times best sellers’ list for six months in 1950 and again in paperback for 72 weeks before dropping off in 1990.

The most famous scientologists these days are Tom Cruise and John Travolta. The poet, William S. Burroughs, was the most prominent literary figure. He was fascinated with the mind control aspect of Scientology but by the late 60’s he had become disenchanted with the program. “‘The technology is interesting,’ he wrote, but ‘the policy seems to consist of absolute subservience to the dictums of L. Ron Hubbard.’”   Hmmmmmm, why aren’t we surprised?

“I am not an organization man,” wrote Burroughs.

Oh! But you were, wee Willie B,
and the organization that had you was Paradigm B.
After going “cold-turkey” with Scientologeeee.
You returned to sipping that common old nasty generic tea.

One goal in Scientology is to “go clear” as a result of working the program. Our suspicion with all of the teas being evaluated in this critique is that a clear and present mind is the least likely outcome of drinking these toxic teas.

Haven’t the many disenchanted ex-Scientologists exposed the effects of the bitter-tasting, mind-control tea? Some of those who have tried have regretted ratting out Big Brother Hubbard. The group can make life miserable for its critics with lawsuits, hassles and legal costs. According to Hubbard, the purpose of a lawsuit was “to harass and discourage rather than to win.”  Have some compassion Church of Scientology. Your ex-followers have been slurping the tea of P-B all along, so they are already miserable, harassed and discouraged.

The Need for a “New Brew”

Most of us are convinced of the need for a soul-warming tea and it needs to be brewed “pronto.” Senator Barbara Boxer, D-California, chairwoman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee [Wow, they really are terrific at fabricating impressive-sounding titles in D.C. aren’t they?] supports our need for a “new brew.” “This draft report sends a warning to all of us: We must act now in a comprehensive fashion to reduce carbon pollution or expose our people to continuing devastation from extreme weather events and their aftermath.”

The “True” Brew

Now wait a minute! Perhaps we have learned our lesson from the hasty reaction of the people in Jonestown. Let’s pause and breathe before we down this inviting, sweet-tasting, scarlet brew. Think it through perhaps? Just in case it doesn’t all add up. If we are the creature that reasons—why not reason for a change—instead of flying off the handle, doing what we are told without calm, thoughtfully-considered questioning.

The methods we now use to “heat our tea” are no more credible than the phantom Neanderthals of southern France. It would not be an impossible stretch for a modern Jim Jones to convince many of us to drink the Kool-Aid and exchange an imminent disaster for a trip to paradise. Perhaps, it is time to return to the faith of our fathers, to the cave ritual; to the blood and body of the savior Kool-Aid consumption of the “teleportation” substance; to any mind-comforting escape hatch brew—perhaps it’s time.

Or on the other hand, perhaps it’s time to take a calm, slowly-considered second look. What’s the real problem here? Is it that we are uncomfortably cold, extremely anxious, or just plain bonkers. You will be relieved to know that it is none of the above. Here is what it is. It’s in the story, just as it was in the real and pseudo events described above, and actually they were all pseudo events. Then what is reality?

Good question! Very good question! The origin of our current dilemma as we hesitate to drink what’s in our hand (does it feel warm or is it just my imagination?) is in the story we are telling ourselves. We are caught in a vise. On one side we have nature, hostile and menacing (not the matriarchal Mother Nature of days gone bye-bye). On the other hand we have the other, our fellow human beings, strange, hostile—threatening. Just plain different!  What’s with that bizarre religion, that weird food, those outlandish clothes–strange, strange, it’s all strange—not like the sane, rational, moral us? We are surrounded by the enemy. Blacks to the north, yellows to the east, whites to the north and browns to south not to mention the reds under our beds!

What weapons do we have to fight back? Well, we will soon have enough guns for each person in our nation to have more than they can carry, even if we add more gun-mounts in our pick-ups and holsters on our hips. We can build dikes to hold back the sea, a cop in every school building, a fire truck on every block and forest enclave, and militias patrolling the streets at night. Will that make us feel safe? What other weapons or strategies do we have?

Only one, as it turns out! Only one comforting and problem-solving tea and we would do well to drink it soon. Is the Simple Reality narrative as eloquent, as convincing as the mesmerizing Jim Jones spiel? If you are reading this, you have become immersed in the paradigm of the mystics, as old as civilization itself. It doesn’t exist in the minds of men. Its origin is universal, self-contained human wisdom, found in whole-brained, whole-hearted Oneness of Creation itself. If we continue denying this resplendent truth, drinking every beverage offered by every “hair-brained” brewer that comes along, we will miss the essence of life itself which is not “out there” in the illusory, too-cold or too-warm or tepid environment. Global warming is neither true nor false—it is irrelevant.

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References and notes are available for this essay.
Find a much more in-depth discussion in books by Roy Charles Henry:
Where Am I?  The First Great Question Concerning the Nature of Reality
Simple Reality: The Key to Serenity and Survival

 

 

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3 Responses to Drink Me! The History of Bogus Tea

  1. isabel marant says:

    Perfectly written subject material , thanks for entropy.

  2. isabel marant says:

    You have mentioned very interesting points! ps nice internet site.

  3. vm says:

    “One must die as a blind person to be born again as a sighted person.” At First Sight -1999

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